Know the risks. Accept them anyway.
The Warnings
We are required by no one to tell you these things. We tell you anyway, because we believe in informed consent, and because none of it will stop you.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking causes uninvited neighbors and severe napkin dependency.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking may lead to explaining bark to strangers who did not ask.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking during pregnancy makes you the most popular person at the baby shower.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking leads to relatives who call you at noon to ask how it's coming along.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking is known to result in the purchase of a second smoker you said you didn't need.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking causes you to defend the stall to people who have never heard of it.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking may cause you to set an alarm for 4 a.m. and feel grateful when it goes off.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking has been linked to owning more thermometers than forks.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking causes fingers that smell faintly of fat for the rest of the week.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking may result in checking the weather only to plan around the wind.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking is known to cause a freezer that is entirely brisket and no room for anything else.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking leads to lying to yourself about whether the offset is hot enough.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking may cause you to refer to 1 p.m. as brisket o'clock without irony.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking has been associated with grown adults whispering encouragement to a pork shoulder.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking causes a learning curve on the offset that you will insist you have mastered.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking may lead to keeping a notebook of times and temperatures no one will ever read.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking is known to ruin your tolerance for restaurant ribs forever.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking causes you to wave away the question of whether it was worth it.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking may result in a garage that smells better than your kitchen.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking leads to canceling plans because you put it on at five in the morning.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking has been linked to the sudden need to own three kinds of wood chips.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking may cause you to feel personally attacked by a sudden drop in temperature.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking is known to cause an unwillingness to leave the yard for several hours at a time.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking leads to a phone full of photos that look identical to everyone but you.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking may cause you to develop strong, unsolicited opinions about water pans.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking has been associated with telling people you can stop after this one.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking causes a deep mistrust of anyone who says they prefer it well done.
Surgeon General's WarningSmoking may leave you standing in the dark, content, with hours still to go.